Monday, June 10, 2013

I am Not Allowed on the Roof Any More

(This happened some time ago.)

If after you say to yourself, ‘I need to go to the emergency room.’ your second thought is, ‘where are the car keys,’ you are probably not thinking clearly enough to drive.

I was home alone one Friday morning. Pam, my wife, was out of town for the weekend and my daughter Hanna was at work. I was in a hurry to get out when I remembered there was a piece of trim on the roof I wanted to replace and I needed the measurements. In that house I could easily climb on the part of the roof I need to reach from a second story porch. I climbed out on the roof and lifted up my arms to measure the rotting wood. I immediately began to slide down the roof. If I had just fallen flat on the roof I probably would have stopped sliding or slid off and just dropped to the driveway no problem.

No I tried to grab a column of the porch which spun me around off the roof toward the ground below.  I landed just to the right of a pointed statue I could have impaled on and to the left of the concrete porch step I could have smashed onto. And for a while I just laid there.

I decided to try to stand up. I was very stiff. I called my doctor’s office. They said this is the kind of thing you go to the emergency room for and did I want them to call me an ambulance. I said no I’m okay.

I’m not sure why but I decided to take a shower. I was moving slowly but moving. There was a fair amount of pain but it was not debilitating. After the shower I got my keys and got in the car.  Our hospital is about thirty minute away. Halfway there I had to acknowledge that my back was stiffening up, maybe even solidifying. And there was no way I could get from the car to the door of the hospital.

I called my daughter who was able to take off work and drive me to the hospital. Chastising me all the way for being on the roof with the wrong type of shoes and for thinking I could drive myself to the hospital. After a few hours at the hospital they said I had not done any permanent damage and they loaded me up with prescriptions. Once she got me home my daughter kept me drugged until her mother returned on Monday.

I am no longer allowed on the roof. 

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